Extra-Curricular Character Traits

It is easy to know what academic subjects we should cover. Math, Language Arts, Social Science, Science, Health, etc. are staples in most box curricula. Curriculum dealers already have taken the time to lay these subjects out, so all we have to do is follow the syllabus. No fuss. No stress. Unfortunately, the same is not true for character traits because every family has different priorities when it comes to character. It is easy to assume that our children will automatically have character since they spend much of their time in the context of family where most values are indeed innately communicated. Some of these traits are taught throughout the typical homeschooling day, but the majority are taught after the books are put away in the extra-curricular time.

The reality is different children have different spiritual gifts and dispositions, so one trait might come naturally to one child but the next one might struggle with the very same trait. This is why it is a good idea for parents to think about the Top Ten or Top Twenty Character Traits they would like to see their children embrace and communicate those traits often. Some of these are obvious like patience, work-ethic, deference, etc., but others are more unique to individual family priorities.

Parents have often asked me what are some of our Top Ten Traits. Although I have shared some of these in the past—people skills, self-motivation, and service–I decided to text my children and ask them what traits and one-liners have served them best in their young lives. My phone started dinging in less than three minutes, so I know these are really dear to them. Again, understand these are in addition to basic traits that are universal for Christians. With each trait or thought I will give a brief summation and give a verse or two that you can pray for the entire homeschooling community. Some of these may really strike deeply in your souls, and others may not. Feel free to compile your own list. These might be good to use as devotional thoughts with your older children as well.

I believe what we pray for others, God often makes happen for us. Every time I receive a monetary donation for ICHE, I pray that the giver will see their children or grandchildren harvest the seed they planted. I pray this same thing for those who pray for our prayer and fast list each month. May God make it so.

1. Teachable

Teachability is not only a sign of humility, it is a trait we should seek to deepen throughout our entire life. Teachable children are life-long learners and will probably be problem solvers, and people get paid for the problems they solve.

• Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name. –Psalms 86:11
• Get wisdom; get insight; do not forget, and do not turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her, and she will keep you; love her, and she will guard you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight. –Proverbs 4:5-7

2. When it doubt, keep your mouth shut.

Matthew says we will give account of every idle word we speak. Wow! We are so quick to share our opinions about people and situations which we know very little about. Keeping our mouth shut will keep us out of so much trouble and will also make us look smarter than we actually are.

• In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise. –Proverbs 10:19 (NKJV)
• Whoever guards his mouth and tongue Keeps his soul from troubles. –Proverbs 21:23

3. Figure it out. (Problem solver)

When my children had a question, I often told them to figure it out. If they asked how to spell a word, I would say, “D-I-C-T-I-O-N-A-R-Y.” I would then remind them that I would not always be there to answer their questions, so they needed to have the mindset of figuring it out. As mentioned in #1, it also gives them a framework for future endeavors.

• because an excellent spirit, knowledge, and understanding to interpret dreams, explain riddles, and solve problems were found in this Daniel, …–Daniel 5:12
• Of Issachar, men who had understanding of the times, to know what Israel ought to do, … –1 Chronicles 12:32

4. Don’t be afraid to putt long. (Be willing to risk.)

Most people are risk averse. This often goes back to their early years when they made a mistake and parents immediately got onto them, rather than bragging on them for making the effort. In saying, “putt long,” I am emphasizing the fact that if you always putt short, you will never make the hole. Encourage your children to take calculated risks, especially when they are younger. If we help our children do this in the context of a loving home, they will be more experienced and wiser when they are out in the world.

• The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. –Proverbs 16:9
• for we walk by faith, not by sight. –2 Cor. 5:7

5. Five seconds of mercy can save a week of misery. (Be forgiving, not bitter.)

Our pride often wants to be satisfied, so we strive for the last word in order to win the argument. This often leaves spouses, children, and siblings frustrated. While we must address ongoing patterns of negative behavior lest they continue, if it is just an occasional indiscretion, we may want to show mercy.

• bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. –Col. 3:13
• “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. –Matt. 5:7
• … in wrath remember mercy. –Hab. 3:1

6. Do not live in the “would have”, “could have”, “should have” world.

While this is one I still struggle with, we are trying to teach our children that once you make a decision, go with it. Hindsight is 20/20, and things are easy to see after the fact. Believing that God is sovereign over all things, including our mistakes, we don’t spend wasted time and energy on what could have been but deal with things as they are.

• Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. –Proverbs 19:21
• The counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of his heart to all generations. –Psalms 33:11

7. People usually punch up. (Don’t be thin-skinned.)

Do not be discouraged when people talk or criticize you. People usually punch up at those who they think are better than them. Seldom do they punch down. Take imitation as the surest form of flattery and do not allow yourself to get bogged down with petty thoughts towards others. Also, don’t let others intimidate you away from following God’s leading.

• For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. –Galatians 1:10

8. You are not that special.

In this age of entitlement, we have to remind our children that they are not that important that they are owed a free ride. Neither do people stay up at night, wondering how to make their life miserable. People are not out to get you, but some do have bad moments, days, and lives. Life happens. If they attacked Christ, none of us are exempt. Life is not always fair or just. That comes in the next life.

• so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. –Matt. 5:45
• Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, ¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. —Hab. 3:17,18

9. Everyone uses the bathroom the same way. (Don’t be intimidated by man.)

Humorously, I remind my children that though some dress and act superior to others, everyone uses the bathroom the same. While some people may think they are better than you, do not let that take away from who you know you are in Christ. So many titles and labels are simply social constructs and are not real except for those who believe in them. Time usually destroys false constructs.

• Blessed is that man who makes the Lord his trust, And does not respect the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies. –Psalms 40:4
• Do not fret because of evildoers, Nor be envious of the workers of iniquity.² For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, And wither as the green herb. –Psalms 37:1,2

10. Be big-minded.

So many people are small-minded, seeing others’ success as their failure. Be happy for others’ success. Know God has a plan for each of our lives, and our goal is not to live another’s dream but live the life God has ordained for us.

• Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. –Romans 12:15
• Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” –John 21:22
• “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.” –Ex. 20:17

11. Be an encourager.

So many people cut down what others try to accomplish. This is usually a comment on their own sad lives. Look for ways to encourage others. Try to see the best in them and in what they attempt to do. Destroying something is so much easier than building, but we want to take the road less traveled.

• And Judas and Silas, who were themselves prophets, encouraged and strengthened the brothers with many words. –Acts 15:32
• Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. –1 Thes. 5:11

12. Be a person of conviction.

If you tell someone you are going to do something, then do it, even if something better comes along. You are only as good as your word. This also includes being punctual. Everything you do or commit to do is an extension of your integrity.

• But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation. –James 5:11
• A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold. –Proverbs 22:1