He who defines the terms wins the argument is an all-important phrase for us to consider. We see it manifest most clearly in the politically correct movement with the hijacking of such words as tolerance. It has been redefined and misapplied to an extent that people do not even recognize the meaning. The same is true with humility.
The scriptures readily declare the glory of humility (James 4:6, 10; 1 Peter 3:8; 1 Peter 5:5,6; Is. 58:5; Matt. 18:4). One big problem, however, is that the devil has redefined humility to be something that it is not. For most individuals, they believe in order to be humble they have to continually deprecate themselves in some capacity, sharing all their weaknesses, flaws, and sins. Of course, if this is our definition, how can we truly “love others as ourselves”?
Rather than thinking of humility is some type of self-degradation, C.S. Lewis gives us a more accurate definition:
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.”—C.S. Lewis
This really hits the nail on the head. Prideful people think about, talk about, and worry about themselves … not others. You will hear it in their speech and you will see it in their actions. The constant theme is me, me, me.
As we begin this month talking about humility, it is important to remember this definition lest we miss manifestations of pride in our own lives as well as our children. I call pride the chameleon sin because it blends in to its surroundings in order not to be detected. It is like the iceberg that sunk the Titanic. When we see the obvious 10% above the water line, it is telling there is another 90% avoiding detection, waiting to sink our ship.
In engaging our children about humility we would be wise to look for an underlying current of pride. Some children are like the prodigal’s brother who did all the right things but it was based on his own benefit. I have watched the millennial generation develop over time. While it has been said they want to make a difference, I observe that the difference they want to make must submit to their own terms and at their own convenient time. As with other generations, it can be as much about what they get out of it as opposed to those they are “serving.” Pride is indeed tricky.
Similarly, some give lip service like the second brother who said he would go and work for this father in order to look good but did not. The other brother looked bad by initially saying he would not go but ultimately did. (Matthew 21:28) We need to be careful about the appearance of humility. Where is the heart? What is the end goal? God? Others? Or self? Some pride is so easy to see and can be dealt with but other manifestations of pride can be so spiritual as in the case of the Pharisees.
It is also so easy for us parents to play the same game, taking credit for God’s work of grace in the lives of our children, formulating our approach, and giving it to others through our pontification. Our children need to know that every success in life is to be laid at the base of the cross of Jesus Christ. He gives us the next breath to breathe. He gives us favor. He opens up doors that no man can close and closes doors no man can open.
It is high time for us to take real inventory on the level of humility in our homes. As we do so, however, let us judge with a righteous insightfulness and not according to superficial appearance.
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