Ever since Adam blamed Eve—and God—for taking a bite of the forbidden fruit, avoiding responsibility has been a part of the human DNA, especially for men. This character trait has ebbed and flowed in its magnitude of manifestations over the centuries, sometimes rising to great heights of inspiration and at other times falling to embarrassing depths of degradation. Where are we at in the 21st century? Probably somewhere below the halfway mark.
Taking responsibility is in many ways foundational to all other character traits because it is only when we understand that God made us in His image, with the ability to make choices and alter our conduct accordingly, that we are able to display His glory and attributes.
There is not a parent I personally know who doesn’t want their children to be responsible citizens. As parents, it is such a temptation to nag our children when they do not demonstrate responsibility. “Be more responsible! I can’t do everything for you!” are embarrassing comments endured by myriads of young people. Sadly, some young adults seem content to stay there. I heard one parent say she has to get her 21-year-old up everyday or he will oversleep and miss work. Yikes! He would not make it on a dad’s short list for prospective son-in-laws.
The reality is we parents are often irresponsible when it comes to teaching our children responsibility. This can happen on numerous levels. For example, we don’t want to take the necessary time and energy to properly train and disciple our little ones initially, but then when they don’t meet our expectations, we get upset. Talk about a lose-lose for our children. This dilemma can be especially true form others of little ones who are trying to teach school as well as keeping their physical houses from sinking into the abyss of total clutter.
Another way we miss teaching responsibility is in excusing our children when they fail to complete a task in a proper, age-appropriate manner. When my boys started washing our family vehicles, I showed them how to wash from the top down and to look for those little areas that can get easily overlooked. Although most of the time they do wonderful, one day they just hurried through and did a shoddy job. For once, I didn’t get unduly frustrated. Instead, I simply asked them wash the entire car all over again. Not only did this teach them to be more responsible, it also gave a premier opportunity to teach the lesson of not having enough time to do it right the first time but spending twice the amount of time by doing it over. What a great life lesson for all of us.
Finally, and perhaps most damaging, is when we communicate to our children that it is other people’s responsibility to make things easy for them. A classic example is when our children are in a new context and do not know anyone. I have heard parents—especially momma bears—complain that “everyone was unfriendly and did not talk to their children.” That’s when I asked, “How many conversations did your children initiate?” That one usually catches them off guard. Where does it say that someone else has to take the responsibility to reach out first? If we teach our children that it is someone else’s job to look out for them, they are always going to be the victim and the foundation has been laid for a very disappointing life.
We have learned well from the first Adam in how to make excuses and blame others, but the Second Adam demonstrated that we do not have to be victims in even the worst of situations. Being made in His image, we too must take responsibility and teach our children to do the same.
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