Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins. 21 Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. 22 Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others. – Ecc. 7:20-22 (ESV)
Ben Franklin gave the sage advice, “Before marriage, have your eyes wide open but after marriage, keep them half-shut.” The point is, do not miss obvious potential problems beforehand by being love-sick blind. Pay strict attention to details to know what you are getting yourself into. After you say, “I do,” however, you must switch gears and avoid becoming critical by not putting others under your microscope because you are sure to find what you are looking for. When you do see something that disappoints, mercy should be your first consideration. Do you realize showing ten seconds of mercy can save you an entire day of arguing and misery?
Solomon said something very similar in Ecclesiastes, and when it comes to relationships, he has more experience than us. He married over 700 women. We must understand there is a difference between being discerning and wise versus becoming critical and cynical. Regarding the former, we want to be discerning in our relationships with people, lest we get blindsided down the road by something that should have been obvious to the observing eye. This could be in a friendship, business arrangement, marriage, or relationships inside the home.
On the flip side, we should not become so suspicious of others’ motives that we read something into their words that simply are not there. This is what he is referring to when he said, “… lest you hear your servant cursing you.” His point is no servant would curse his master because of the consequences, so the master suspects something that isn’t there. When individuals lack the balance between discernment and cynicism, they usually create their own drama, even when none is present. They think someone did them wrong. Someone said something, and that sets them off. They are always thinking the problem is “out there” when it is really inside their own heart.
Solomon’s cure for this? Remember that we all mess up by saying or doing the wrong thing (22); therefore, we should not judge others harshly when they make a similar ill-timed comment or demonstrate a momentary lack discretion. We all have our bad moments if not days. The best approach would be to keep our eyes wide open when it comes to our own miscues but squint with eyes half shut when looking at others’ mistakes. To reinforce this he gets right up into our faces and reminds us that we all have said things about other— actually cursed them—when we should have kept our mouths shut. Can you relate to that? Isn’t it easy to give comment on the speck in someone else’s life and miss the log floating in our own?
We have now walked through the doors of 2023. What difference will we see in our own homes this year? Will it stay business as usual, or will we make some intentional efforts to be more encouraging and edifying by giving others the benefit of the doubt? Prideful people are judgmental people because they think they are better than others while the humble in heart are quick to show mercy and thereby cover a “multitude of sin” (1 Peter 4:8). This world is a sinful, harsh, cynical, uncaring, dog-eat-dog existence. If our children find a place of solace and encouragement in the home, it will be a place where they long to be.
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