Jumping in Mid-Stream

If you have removed your children from a public or private school to begin homeschooling them, or are considering doing so, this article is for you. We hope it will help you as you embark on your exciting adventure….

Nearly every home-school parent has been where you are right now. We have felt your curiosity, your apprehension, your nervousness, your uncertainty, and your determination to make a change for our children for the better. And, each of us would say it has been well worth the effort—and that it has made a world of difference in our families, not only for our children, but in our own lives. This is so much more than just an educational choice! Like you, many years ago, we removed our children from a small public school to teach them at home. We were surprised by many things we discovered along the way – most of which, our friends who began homeschooling their children from the beginning did not experience. I would like to share some things we learned with you to aid you in assessing where your children are; to help you set realistic goals for them as you begin to homeschool; and, to share some things we discovered that had nothing to do with textbooks.

Families who begin homeschooling their children from the start, do not have some of the special issues that we who begin midstream may face. Having had our children in an institutional setting for a period of time poses some special considerations that families may encounter as they begin. The longer they have been in a public or private school classroom, the more impact it may have on how we begin homeschooling, and on where to place our expectations.

In the Beginning

In the very beginning, we were surprised to discover some of the things our children had and had not been taught. Our children were in second, fourth, seventh, and eighth grade when we began. We discovered our fourth grade daughter could barely read, our eighth grade son had never seen long division done (they always used calculators in their public school), our eighth grade son’s class had been taught levitation by a “Christian” guidance counselor—among other things. We also knew other families whose children were told at school that they were global children of the future and that Mom and Dad were not equipped to prepare them for their future lives—only the teachers could do that.

One son refused to bring in the firewood his mother asked for because his teacher had told him “he had the right to refuse any unreasonable personal request.” We learned our son had been told by his teacher to not take home papers from a certain class “because your parents wouldn’t understand.”

As you may discover, there may be a bit of deprogramming that will need to take place as you begin to homeschool your children. Ask your children lots of questions and get to really know them.

The Heart of the Matter

One of the most important things we learned in our home-schooling experience is that the relationship with our children is so much more important than academics. The first step you will need to take with your children is to gain their hearts. When we send our children out into the world and place them under the care of others and under the influence of friends, gradually, their first loyalty transfers to those peers and influences around them. Parents become secondary to their acquired dependence on their peers.

You may believe you have a close relationship with your children, but I cannot urge you strongly enough to not presume this fact. I would earnestly admonish you that if your children have been in a school setting away from home, no matter how good it was, assume that you do not have their hearts!

So, as you begin homeschooling your children, it is important, above all else, that you court their hearts. You may hear, “That’s not how Teacher taught us to do that!” It is vital that you win back their trust and hearts in order for you to enjoy a positive and successful relationship with them in a home-school setting. That should be your first priority. If you do not have your child’s heart, there is nothing you can put into their heads from a textbook that will be of lasting significance. Build your relationship with them first. Even if they need to graduate a year or two later to do so, spend that first year or two building a solid relationship with them.

Every success in their lives depends on that. That relationship will also affect the ease and success of your educational efforts. You need to assume that you need to gain back their hearts from their teachers and their peers. Spend time together, do fun things as a family, do things they like to do, read good books aloud to the whole family, socialize with other whole families, keep them busy, talk with them, make it fun! If they feel they need to spend time with their peers, invite them to your home. Be wise, keep your eyes and ears open, enjoy them, but be sensitive to the influence others have on your children. Let those be occasional events, not the norm. Be discerning about relationships that may be detrimental to your child.

Intentionally invest in your relationships with your children. Win their hearts, and their heads will follow.

Who are They?

Talk with your children. Look for areas where your relationship or authority with your child has been undermined by things they may have been told by their former teachers. Look for holes in their education: Can they spell? Do they have a grasp on the multiplication tables? Do they know how to read? Be sensitive to how you address those weak areas, but, by all means, address them! A sixteen-year-old may feel awkward about learning how to read, but less so than if they become a forty-year-old who cannot read.

Has your child been wounded emotionally by other children? Have they been made to feel stupid, or slow, or homely, or awkward? Have they been given a label such as ADD or ADHD?

Children sometimes have a difficult time overcoming labels and perceptions they may have of themselves due to how they were treated in public or private school. Their peers or the system may have given them an inaccurate view of themselves. Your child may have even developed a behavior problem because they feel incapable of expressing their hurt or frustration at how they were treated. They may even have a hyper-inflated opinion of themselves, which can be equally challenging to both them and others.

Our children need to view themselves as God views them. They do not need the false sense of “self ” that our culture would like to glaze them with. The world would tell us that our children need to “feel” their way into a better way of behaving, when the Bible’s principles teach us that we need to behave our way into a better way of feeling.

If our children learn how to behave and perform well in a God-honoring manner, self-esteem will be a non-issue.

Your child may also have been mislabeled by the “professional” as ADD or ADHD, when, quite simply, they may just have a learning style that does not fit well in a classroom setting. Perhaps they are just “hands-on” learners that must move and be and do and touch and experience, instead of just sitting quietly at a desk for seven hours a day. Some of these children may have been placed on medicines to “quiet” them in order for them to be “manageable” in a classroom setting. Home education works especially well for these types of learners as they can more fully experience their education; and, you are able to work with their particular needs and gifts on a personal level.

What Makes Them Tick?

Learn your child’s learning style. We tend to attempt to teach our children in our learning style, and perhaps our child learns much differently. There are many wonderful materials available to help you discover your child’s learning style. Learn what makes them tick, and be creative in how you teach them in the way they can learn.

It is important to be flexible. What works perfectly for one child may be totally ineffective with another child, or what is easy for one child may be incredibly difficult for another child. Pray for wisdom for how to teach each child according to their learning style or abilities.

Don’t think your “school” has to look like a public school at home.

Learning goes on twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, in a homeschool. Make it fun! Make it a part of your living every day. Don’t just read about the Pueblo Indians, read about them and then plan your family vacation in the fall (when everyone else is in school!) and visit where the Pueblo Indians lived and see what they ate and walk where they walked. Lie on a blanket in the yard and search for constellations. Walk in a creek and observe and catalog what you find there. Take home some water and meet the little creatures who dwell in the creek under a microscope.

Develop a mindset of home discipleship rather than just homeschooling. “Teaching” is not the same as “training” our children. Home education is not just about filling their heads, it is about training their character and abilities and spirits for the Lord’s work throughout all their lives. William Butler Yeats once said: “Education is not the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire.”

The Skeptics

If Grandma and Grandpa or the neighbors are reluctant about your beginning to home-school, be patient and kind and respectful. They may perceive your decision to homeschool as a judgment of the educational choices they made. Kindly express your reasons for your decision, and then pray. Often it will be your children who will eventually win them over, as they begin to see the positive changes in your children.

Relationships First

Help your children develop their relationships with each other. They may not be used to their siblings being their best friends. In an institutional setting, children usually become very peer dependent and their peers have had their first loyalty until now. Encourage them to enjoy one another by doing activities together. Establish family fun times together, show them how to encourage and support each other in their interests and talents. Create opportunities for them to grow together. Do history and science as a family so everyone is learning the same things at the same time at an age-appropriate level. Have family game nights. Help them learn to be friends with people of all ages—not just their peers. We all know from our own experiences that friends outside the family come and go, but a brother or a sister will be with us for life. We need to encourage our children to value and nurture and cherish those relationships.

Help them to build their relationship with the Lord. Primary to all else in life, this is the most important aspect of reality. Teach them to view their world from a biblical perspective. Show them how to weigh what they see and hear and learn on the scales of God’s Word and to honor and love it. Teach them to consider others more highly than themselves.

Where Do I Begin?

Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading as you assess where your children are and ask Him for wisdom to know where to begin. Be fair in setting your goals and expectations. Parents, give yourselves permission to color outside of the lines, and seek how God would have you educate your children!!

It is helpful to write out a family mission statement. This is a brief statement of your goals as a family and why you are homeschooling. It is a beneficial beacon to refer to to help us keep our focus as we train our children. It is also helpful to write out one character goal for each child that you would like to work on. Reevaluate often and move on to another area as your child matures.

Encourage your children as you begin to homeschool. Keep your eyes and ears open to them. Help them to see themselves as God sees them. Invest deeply in who they are and who God wants them to be. Remember that character is much more important than knowledge. Guide the heart, and love them for the special persons God made them to be.

“Help!”

You may be thinking: I can’t do this! I’m not smart enough! I’m not a trained professional! I don’t know where to begin! I feel so overwhelmed! May I encourage you that you are able to do this. You were your child’s first teacher. It is only the next step to move forward into training them for the next level. The Lord will equip you for the challenge—you have the most interest in seeing your child succeed—you have the passion to do what it takes.

Talk to veteran homeschoolers. Ask questions. Lean on them for support. Learn from those who have been at this for a while. Glean from them ideas of how to learn how to teach in a style that is not your usual bent. Do projects with other families. Share resources of skills and talents to teach one another’s children.

I heard a quote early on in our home-school journey that said: “To teach is to learn again.” We found out that is so very true! You will learn with your children as they learn. You will make course corrections as the Lord shows you what works and what doesn’t for each child. You will make some mistakes and you will have tremendous successes. Don’t look at the tiny, individual steps—keep the path and the goal in sight. It will all come out right in the end.

The Vision

I once asked my dear farmer father-in-law how he planted his rows of corn so straight in the field. He said you fix your eyes on a point at the other end of the field and then don’t take your eyes off of it.

It is the same with home education. With the Lord’s guidance, set a goal for each of your children and for your family, and then fix your eyes on the goal. Don’t look away or behind—commit and persevere. Keep the big picture in mind. There may be some course corrections along the way, but keep the main goal in view.

Be patient, and take one day at a time. With God’s help, you can do this! And, it will be a blessing, if you persevere.

Galatians 6:9 tell us to “Be not weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”