From the age of seven through my early twenties, I spent much of my school career on the field, on the court, or in the locker room. Athletics taught me some great lessons like teamwork, submission to authorities, discipline, and how to win and lose graciously (though I was more comfortable with the former than I was with the latter!) Looking back nearly four decades later, I am becoming increasingly aware of how many of my life perspectives were shaped during that season of life. Sadly, not all of it was good.
One of the worst things I assimilated was that I concentrated on what I did wrong rather than focusing on what I did right. My coaches didn’t want any of us to think too highly of ourselves, so even after a good win, we were often chastened on our performance in the locker room moments after the win. The message communicated? It was never good enough. I ultimately carried this same perspective into other areas of my life, creating a perfectionistic ideal, which could never be attained. Regardless of how well I did, there was always something more I should have done or could have done. To be honest, this is the same viewpoint many parents have of themselves in homeschooling.
Because homeschooling success is measured in years rather than by weeks or months, we think we are not doing a very good job with our children. When they do something wrong, it is seen as our failure on behalf of the parent rather than a natural step in the maturation process of the child. Some fathers and mothers beat themselves up so badly that they really think their children would be better off being raised by strangers in the public school, who may–or more likely may not–have a biblical worldview and who can never love their children like they do.
While we obviously need to be aware of our children’s weaknesses—regarding their character more than their academic education—we need to be looking at their strengths and the positive things that are going on in their lives. Rather than waiting to chasten them when they do wrong, we need to be proactive and praise them for what they do well. I realize we run a risk of inflating their egos, but life has a way of always bringing people back down to earth.
More than any one specific incident, when we look for what is positive, we naturally create an overall optimistic atmosphere in the home. This is a reflection of faith that proclaims all things work together for our good (Romans 8:28). I have often wondered how King David was able to get over his failures of Bathsheba and the census. He chose to focus on the good and leave the rest to the forgiving grace of God, knowing that in our weakness He is glorified.
As this school year starts to wind down, I encourage you to spend a few evenings around the dinner table focusing on all the positive things that happened in your home within the last nine months. You may be surprised at all the wonderful things God did, but you missed, because you were looking at what was wrong instead of looking on what was right!
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