A Perspective of Self

The spirit of man is the lamp of the Lord, searching all his innermost parts. –Proverbs 20:27 (ESV)

One of the most wonderful gifts from our Creator is man’s ability to observe, consider, and change. It is what separates us from brute beasts which live merely by instinct. Foundational to this reality is our capacity to have a proper perspective and understanding of who we are as individuals. How is this done?

Proverbs states that the spirit of a man is the lamp of God that shines His light on our thoughts, feelings, and interpretations of life events. Sadly, so many people are unaware of how these things influence their lives, molding them into who they have become. Because we are so fractured by sin, it is easy to convince ourselves that we are something that we are not, be that better or worse than we actually are. Proverbs 21:2 echoes this, “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart.” Our propensity for personal blindness is terrifying.

While I intentionally try to steer clear of phycological verbiage, the term self-awareness might be helpful in describing people who have allowed the Holy Spirit to give them insight into their personhood. They have maturity in soul to see both their strengths and weaknesses, accepting both, but still striving to grow in grace so that they might be increasingly conformed to image of their Savior.

One way the spirit of man searches the innermost parts is through marriage. Our spouse is usually our most accurate mirror to our blind spot. By God’s design, opposites often attract. These differences act as iron sharpening iron, wearing away our rough edges and leaving the fragrance of Christ. Having said this, some individuals have trouble seeing their weaknesses and instead project it back onto their spouse, excusing their behavior, or blaming some other third party. It can be so emotionally bloody to see ourselves for who we are that some refuse to receive balance, as when one person told on herself, “I don’t think I’m opinionated; I just think I’m right.” How do you give someone like this much-needed balance?

Our children are another avenue of God’s grace in showing us who we really are. As I constantly say, “Homeschooling will bring out some of the worst in us but will replace it with some of the best of God.” Between these two tensions, however, we can really be tossed to and fro as if riding on an emotional roller coaster. Meeting the real us can be unnerving and unsettling.

Here is the good news though. The more we come to understand ourselves—the good, the bad, and the ugly—the more freedom we will have in life. Satan will not have anything with which to condemn us. In seeing some of our personality flaws, we will walk in greater humility. We can, however, learn to enjoy our strengths, using them for God’s glory in God’s economy.

Best of all, when our children observe us being honest with who we are, it will give them the courage of heart to look at their own lives and accept themselves for who they are. The earlier they begin to comprehend who they are in Christ—the good, the bad, and the ugly–the more whole they will become and be better able to navigate life. Again, this takes tremendous maturity and honesty on the parents’ part, but it produces wonderful fruit.

The best way to teach our children is not through textbooks and papers but through living life. When we develop an accurate perspective of ourselves, we plant the seed for our children to do the same.