Transitions

Several years ago, I put together a talk called, “I’d Take Diapers Any Time.” It was my response to releasing our grown children into the world. There were numerous late-night talks as we helped them process through the real world of adulting. While the diaper stage is physically exhaustive—especially if you have three or four children in diapers at the same time—the transition years are both physically and emotionally grueling, taking our teenagers from enjoyable theory to challenging application.

Transitions are tough; it doesn’t matter whether we are talking about changing careers, leading churches, or running a business. The famed Crystal Cathedral stood for several decades in California under the headship of Robert Schuller. The leadership spent an intentional decade, from 1996 to 2006, preparing for Robert’s son to take over the reins. In spite of colossal efforts, he resigned his position only two years later in 2008. The church ended up in bankruptcy and the church was sold off to a local Catholic diocese.

Parenting our young adult children can be exciting, puzzling, and daunting all at the same time. Israeli leaders like the High Priests, Aaron and Eli, and the great prophet, Samuel, learned first-hand how hard it is to raise godly children in a fallen world. When Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, offered strange fire before the Lord, they were killed by a fire that came from the Lord. (Lev. 10) Eli’s sons took the choicest cuts of meat and were also sleeping with numerous women. (1 Samuel 2) They were killed in the next battle and the Ark of the Covenant were stolen. Samuel’s sons were more concerned about lining their pockets than dispersing justice. This opened up the door for monarchial rule in Israel which opened the floodgates for generations of problems.

The good news is we have positive examples like the Rechabites whose children followed their lead for centuries. Solomon fulfilled David’s vision of building a resting place for God in Jerusalem. Benaiah followed his father, Jehoiada, as a priest and a warrior. These precedents should greatly encourage us as we seek to pass on an intergenerational vision of faithfulness.

Transitions are often shorter periods of intense focus that are built upon years of vision casting and effort. As in the case of the Crystal Cathedral, we can do all we know to do but if God does not blow His grace on our endeavors, our efforts will be in vain. As we continue to read books, listen to podcasts, and rummage through the internet for wisdom in transiting our children to adulthood, may we never lessen our grip on the main thing and that is prayer.

This month’s requests focus on asking God for His direct intervention in this all-important season of parenthood. Please join the ICHE prayer team as we pray the following throughout the month of April:

1. Pray that parents will understand the vision from their earliest years, and that goal is to prepare our children to one day leave our home.
   1. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. –Genesis 2:24
   2. Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. –Genesis 12:1
2. Pray that parents will have the grace and skill to enable their children to be independent thinkers who have biblical worldviews.
   1. And the king spoke with them, and among all of them none was found like Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. Therefore, they stood before the king. –Daniel 1:19
   2. To know wisdom and instruction, to understand words of insight, ³ to receive instruction in wise dealing, in righteousness, justice, and equity; ⁴ to give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth— –Proverbs 1:2-4
3. Pray that we parents will not feel insecure or threatened if our children think differently than us on secondary considerations. Some things are not right or wrong but simply different.
   1. Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, –Phil 2:12
4. Pray that parents will have discernment in knowing how much to say in any given situation and when to say it during their children transition into adulthood.
   1. preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. –2 Timothy 4:2
   2. A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. –Proverbs 25:11
5. Pray that parents will not overreact if an aging child takes a step backward in certain seasons or if they make an occasional lack of discretion. A mistake does not equate to rebellion.
   1. bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. –Col. 3:13
   2. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. –1 Thes. 5:11
6. Pray that our children will not succumb to perpetual adolescence but will grow up to be God-honoring adults
   1. Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. –1 Peter 1:13
   2. Therefore, an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, –1 Timothy 3:2
7. Pray that our aging children will grow in discretion and discernment.
   1. My son, do not lose sight of these— keep sound wisdom and discretion, –Proverbs 3:21
   2. And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, –Phil. 1:9
8. Pray that God will keep our children pure in heart, mind, and actions as they become adults.
   1. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. –Matthew 5:8
   2. so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, –Phil. 1:10
9. While our communication patterns will necessarily change, pray that it will grow richer in depth with each passing year.
   1. Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. –1 Peter 3:8
   2. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. –John 15:13