When Things Go Wrong

One of my talks that is always well attended at our conference is called “When Things Go Wrong.” It addresses the reality that homeschooling in and of itself is neither salvific nor some type of formula that guarantees certain results.

I know of more than one set of parents who tried their best in teaching their kids at home, but their results were less than desirable. Some are mad at homeschooling, and others are mad at God. A good number walk in continual condemnation while others simply don’t talk about it at all due to the hurt and disappointment.

One man got up at 4:00 a.m. every day to pray for his children’s salvation and spiritual health. His oldest son was faithfully serving the Lord until he went to college. There he met a girl and eventually moved in with her, leaving his family and faith behind. Tragically, the father died a couple of years later in a car accident, not knowing if his son ever repented of his sinful lifestyle.

Some things are simply hard to understand on this side of eternity. Still, there are always things to learn through our disappointments, for ourselves and for those who come after us. For instance, God calls us to be faithful, leaving the results up to Him. This can be incredibly painful in certain seasons. Still, some experience we label as bad in the short term often end up being a great blessing in the long term. This means home discipleship is most definitely a walk of faith.

Second, God is working on us as much as He is our children throughout the homeschooling journey. We thought we were patient; we thought we were loving; we thought we were disciplined. The revelation of our sinfulness and immaturity can be unnerving. I believe that is why some people don’t do it. It is easier, at least in the short term, to farm our children out to other. That way, if something goes wrong, we can blame them. In homeschooling our children, it is all on us.

Finally, the most important things we teach our children are not 2 + 2 or how to diagram a sentence but rather remembering what truly lasts. Keeping Jesus Christ first not only has significance in this life but especially in the life to come. Having good people skills can open so many doors regardless of skill level. Creating a proper perspective of life will help keep our children balanced through the ups and downs of living in a fallen world. What all this means is that other children might blow past our children early on, bruising our fragile egos. We are not, however, so concerned of our children’s success in their teens but rather in their forties, fifties, and beyond.

While homeschooling does not guarantee a life of parental ease, it seems to be the biblical normative in raising our children in the fear of the Lord. Yes, we can be disappointed in this life, but we also realize this life is short, and eternity is long. If we take a step backwards in certain seasons, we must keep looking to Christ, who is not only the author of life but also the finisher.

This month’s prayer items are filled with both prayer requests and teachable thoughts.

Please pray with us this month for the following:

1. Pray that the Holy Spirit will make us parents self-aware, understanding our spiritual gifts, personalities, idiosyncrasies, and predispositions in order to discern situations correctly and not be blinded by unmet needs.
   • The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? –Jer. 17:9
   • Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. –Proverbs 4:26
2. Pray that we parents will increasingly understand how the fall has distorted our relationship with ourselves, our spouse, our children, etc., and how to respond accordingly.
   • For while we were living in the flesh, our sinful passions, aroused by the law, were at work in our members to bear fruit for death. –Romans 7:5
   • Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death –James 1:15
3. Pray that homeschooling parents will not see homeschooling as a formula that guarantees certain results, but rather see it as the biblical precedent for parents to disciple their children in the fear of the Lord, leaving the results up to God.
   • He removed the high places and broke the pillars and cut down the Asherah. And he broke in pieces the bronze serpent that Moses had made, for until those days the people of Israel had made offerings to it (it was called Nehushtan).^[ –2 Kings 18:4 (The Jews had made an idol out of the bronze serpent that Moses and made, per God’s instructions, previously.
   • And the child grew and became strong, filled with wisdom. And the favor of God was upon him. –Luke 2:40
4. Pray that we will avoid the very real temptation of always comparing our children to other children or even other siblings.
   • For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. –2 Cor. 10:12 (NKJV)
5. Pray that our homes will be filled with joy, happiness, and encouragement.
   1. A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones. -Proverbs 17:22 (NKJV)
   2. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. –1 Thes. 5:11
6. Pray that we parents will receive God’s forgiveness when we sin against our family and not walk in condemnation when we simply make a mistake that is not necessarily sinful.
   • There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. –Romans 8:1
   • The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, But who can bear a broken spirit? -Proverbs 18:14 (NKJV)
7. Pray that we will walk in a spirit of true humility, realizing any success we have is due to the grace and mercy of God.
   • Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you. –James 4:10
   • Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” –1 Peter 5:5
8. Pray that we will realize change is part of life and that change, even good change can be messy. Pray that we will make these transitions gracefully.
   • And now, O Lord my God, you have made your servant king in place of David my father, although I am but a little child. I do not know how to go out or come in. –1 Kings 3:7
9. Pray that we parents will not overreact to mole hills and speed bumps in our children’s lives but respond with grace and vision.
   • with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, –Ephesians 4:2
   • Brothers if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. –Gal. 6:1
10. Pray that God will help us focus with gratitude on our successes rather than drowning in our failures.
    • Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. –Phil. 3:13, 14
    • The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him. –Psalms 28:7
11. Pray that God will give parents such hope through the doctrine of restoration.
    • Return to your stronghold, O prisoners of hope; today I declare that I will restore to you double. –Zech. 9:12
    • then the Lord your God will restore your fortunes and have mercy on you, and he will gather you again from all the peoples where the Lord your God has scattered you. –Deut. 30:3